Faiza - Me and my Memories of You!

There is a definite stillness in my life these days…..I don’t feel excited about anything anymore, neither do I feel the anger or the frustration at situations. I feel as if the fire inside me has died away. I do not care for anyone or for myself, I don’t care if the world ends right now….I am still not sure what has brought this change, what has changed me from being a caring, kind, loving and yes angry young woman to a nonchalant, I-care-a-shit kind of a person. Not saying that I ain’t happy about it. At least it hurts less and makes me less vulnerable to wards involvement and pain that comes after.
I guess I wanna stay this way, aloof and nonchalant. I guess its time for me to think for myself for a change. Coz I have learnt that the very person you devote your love and care to doesn’t care a shit about you. I am tired of having to care for such people, and I am tired of being hurt all over and over again. So it’s my turn now to turn into such a human (non-human) and get care and attention and love rather then giving it and being the understanding one all the time. Why am I to be the responsible one, the adjusting one, no matter what happens I am the one to understand and respond accordingly. I am fed up of this. Just fed up of reacting and responding and trying to make everyone but MYSELF happy. So now I decide to be non-reacting, unresponsive…in other words….STILL.