Faiza - Me and my Memories of You!

Change! It is funny how we change…first because someone wants us to… then when we have changed completely the same people don’t like it!! Then we change so that they may like us. In this journey of changing and unchanging ourselves we lose the originality. When I think of myself... a few years ago… what was I? How was I? Or what has changed in me? I see that I am a totally different person now that I was probably 3-4 years ago. Now that I have realized that I have changed, the next step into realization is what has changed? Physical looks/morals/ethics/what is it….that makes me a different person than I was. Then I also realize what is it that I am comparing myself to….to myself of a few years ago…and who said that was the real me….and this is not. what makes me think which is real….I realize it is the peace of mind….the state my heart is in…..is it restlessness or is it the craving to change furthermore….or is it the wish of going back to the one of a few years….what is it that brings me to this self-evaluating/self-testing mode (mood). What has got me to peep inside my heart, my soul and search….contemplate the effects of the recent events in my life. I sometimes think I am all alone even among my own family. I feel like an alien….sometimes I can hear their minds thinking aloud….its like there is a congestion of frequencies and I can hear so many voices all at once…..then I concentrate on one person …I try to hear their voice….Its my mom’s mind….”This is my daughter?? How can she be?? This is not what I wanted her to be?” Then she asks me, “Do you want something to eat?” …to be contd. -FAIZA (originally posted on Feb 27, 2007 on http://faizashaikh.tumblr.com/page/2)