Faiza - Me and my Memories of You!
Saturday, June 14, 2008
New Chapter of my Book
Arrival of Monsoon- A rainfall of memories
The rains had started…the weather had suddenly turned so beautiful….the sky was so bright and yet gray at the same time, the winds were playing with the trees. She could imagine how the trees felt, it was as if he was moving his fingers through her hair. It was monsoon again!
These were the days when they had met for the first time…..just a few weeks before his birthday……the monsoon would always remind her of him and of the little happiness that she knew in her life. She looked at the sky through her dark teary eyes, it was beautiful…. She was sitting at her bedroom window staring at the rain shining due to the rays of the sun, the sun would set in sometime. The sky was all golden and gray at the same time, as if it didn't know that the time to turn gray had arrived, it was still glowing all gold and orange, the clouds were busy making it gray. It seemed that the golden sky and the gray clouds were playing with each other, like the sad and happy days that play with our lives.
The rain would always remind her of him. Of those days in the rain when he used to come to meet her during lunch break, coming on his bike all the way from his office almost 5-6 kms far. He used to be all soaked up in rain, but his cell safely wrapped in a plastic bag. These small things reminded her of his caring and responsible side. She would never forget those days, specially that one day, she walked out of her office gate after a long day at work along with her colleagues walking towards the station, missing him craving for some privacy to call him, wanting to see him, hoping he could be there. Then suddenly her phone rang, it was him. He was waiting for her near the station. She turned around still holdiong the phone to her ears, her eyes searching the usual meeting place near the restaurant. And there he was waiting there like a dream come true, like a prayer answered. It was as if God had given her all that she wanted at that moment in her life.
She remembered that eventful Thursday, July 26 in 2005, people call it an unfortunate day, but not for her, those 2 days were the best days of her life. She could forgive God for every pain He had given her, just because He gave her those 2 days of her life with the one person she loved the most. Those moments under the milk-stand shed, at the bus stop, at that restaurant opposite the station, everything was clear in her memories, everything was so beautiful. It was a dark night, there was water everywhere more or less up to the knees, no electricity, the only light one could see on the roads were of the passing-by people carrying torches. He was besides her. His hands around her shoulders. They had talked so much in those 2 days, and she had realized one thing, he was a guy who would keep his promises at any cost, who would not think before risking his life just to see her safe.
The rain had stopped, but the sky was still grayish yellow, it seemed like it might rain again. All the tress and flowers looked brighter, they look cleansed and pure, just like she felt after they had had made love. She kept staring out the window walking randomly across her memories of him. She remembered that night when it was raining heavily and he had called her from somewhere between his work place and his home, there was water everywhere he said, she was worried and wanted to be with him, and he said the very same thing at the same time. Why did they understand each other so much, how did they know what the other person wanted, many such small incidents they termed as “Coincidence”, like she was born on a Thrusday, they met for the first time on a Thrusday, they always met mostly on Thursdays. There are many many such small "coincidences". Although they both knew it was not a mere coincidence that two different people think so much alike and understand each other so well without speaking a word. It was a magical connection, an unknown bond that they shared. This had never happened with her and may be this was the reason why she loved him so much. She felt as if she was a part of him. She saw that the sky was slowly turning purple now, there was a big rainbow right in front of her window, she grabbed her cell from the bag, clicked a few pictures of the rainbow, wishing him to be there, to share this magical moment together. She sighed, kept the cell phone at the window sill, still looking at the space where the rainbow had been, trying to see if it was just something she was dreaming of, just like these memories. She checked the pictures on the cell phone, the rainbow was there, she checked her memories and he was right there.
She was getting a bit sad now, evenings alone in her room always made her feel lonely and sad. She was happier with her memories than in the reality of her loneliness. She remembered that evening in the rickshaw, they were going to see her granny who was in the hospital and it had suddenly started raining, he said, “Hey!! This is the first time its raining when we are in the rickshaw, I always wanted this”, she giggled like a school kid and kissed his cheek. Whenever she passed that road, she missed him and those moments of togetherness.
Moving on playing and replaying her memories like a movie, she remembered that day when they had gone to their regular hangout and found that they had closed down. The monsoon had almost gone, the weather forecast said that their might be heavy rains in the evening. She never carried an umbrella, but he suspected the forecast may turn out true and had got an umbrella. As soon as they came out of the gate of the closed hangout, it started pouring, it kept raining and raining. It continued to rain heavily for a couple of hours, they took shelter in a restaurant nearby. And suddenly the electricity was gone, the trains stopped all over Mumbai. People suspected that it might be another 26 July. She couldn’t go back to her home. But if she didn’t reach back home in time for dinner, there would be serious trouble. He said he would drop her on his bike. In this situation, no one would dare to get on the road, let alone travel to more than 15 Kms on a bike, but he knew that she had to be back home in time or she would never be allowed to leave home. He grabbed another windcheater from his house, she put it on, it was too large for her, but it smelled of him, his smell reminded her of the sea breeze, fresh and wild, and it was warm, so she happily put it on. They were on his bike speeding in the rain towards her home. Oh! She would never forget that evening! The roads were all full of cars and cabs, bikes and people, the roads were dark and people were lost because of the water-logging. But the situation did not affect them in any ways, they were so sure, just being together was what they wanted. She asked him, “How much petrol you have filled in?” is it enough to take us far-far away from here from these people, without stopping for refuel?” He laughed and said,”Yeah, more than enough!” Sometimes they just kidded with each other with nonsense talks like these, but both knew that somewhere the feelings behind these words were true. And now, even after so many months from that incident, whenever She passed that road in Bandra…She just closed her eyes and she could feel his face turning back and kissing her in the rain, but when she opened her eyes he isn’t there. Just the road and the emptiness inside her.
The sun was setting outside the window, his thoughts on her mind, she was getting way too emotional, there were tears in her eyes, just a few drops, and her eyes looked shiny, just like the trees and the roads after the rain. How She wished She could see him right now…even if it was for 1 minute…She would look at him from far away…She dint want to make him remember her and hurt him more…She knew that he had already gone ahead in life….but She wanted to stay here at this point of her life forever…maybe God would feel pity on her n give her death or grant her a life with him….She envied all those people around him….in fact she envied all the people in the world…who could talk to him, hear his voice… walk with him or even just see him passing by. She had gone to his workplace so many times, without informing him. She wanted to catch a glimpse of him from far away, her emotions forced her to do it. But every time she failed to see him. “God doesn't want me to be happy”, she whispered to herself, sighing silently. Everyone could see him, meet him, talk to him if they wanted, but not her. And why, even though for her seeing him, hearing him, touching him were the most important thing in her life. These moments could make her live her life one day at a time. The only thing that brought happiness , but still only she was not allowed to do that and for what, for the crime she had committed, called “Love”.
Sometimes She thought She should hate him for coming into her life….for telling her to live the present and forget the past, without thinking of the future. She was so scared but he protected her, She was so weak but he became her strength. She did not know how to hate him. He was the only source of love in her life. If she was alive today, it was only because of him. HE came into her life and completely changed it. Just like the monsoon changes the earth, makes it go green and plush with hope. But then one day it suddenly disappears, leaving the earth dry n dead. Then, the wait starts, the wait for monsoon, the wait for the cool breezes the soft rain drops, like She waited for the day She could see him, feel his face in her hands, hear his heart beat next to hers, feel his soft kisses touching her body like the raindrops. She did not know which would be her destiny, living without him or dying alone. But she was prepared for whatever the future had for her, she had already lived her life, the life she led with him. All the other days were just emptiness that passed by her. No impressions, no effects, no memories. Her life hadn’t moved since the day he had left her, and it would never move.
....(to be contd.)
Monday, June 9, 2008
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! (7th JUNE 2008)
I am sorry was not able to post for a few days, the rains have started, and as usual the internet was down!
Anyways, here is what my diary shows for 7th June 2008.
"It is your birthday today! I wish you all the best for life! Haven’t slept a wink all night. All I have been doing since yesterday is sit at the window and stare outside. No one is home since morning, and I’m feeling all the more lonely without the everyday chores. It was a rainy day today, the previous night was a stormy one as well! The lightening, storm and the heavy lashing raining was all I watched all night from the open window of my room. All day it kept pouring, accompanied by a high tide, reminding me of that fateful 26th July 2005. I know this may be just a “coincidence”, as we used to call these unexplainable phenomena! The rains kept falling as if the sky has lost its control. It kept reminding me of you, and of those two days. And many more days after that…
Anyways, I am not gonna get any more senti than I already am….I wish you would have had the very best birthday today. And I pray that you have the best year ahead and the bestest life. Amen.
I have written this short note for you.
Happy Birthday (From Faiza to Y...u)
On this beautiful day,
Which happens to be Ur birthday,
I wish you life and health
Along with success and wealth
I wish you every moment filled with love,
You will be showered with happiness from above,
I wish you a heart filled with peace,
May you meet Ur life full of bliss,
May you find the One for you,
Who would give her world to you,
Tho’ I know you wish me gone,
For me you’d always be the one,
Today I hear my every heartbeat say,
‘Janu’ wish you a happy birthday!”
Anyways, I am not gonna get any more senti than I already am….I wish you would have had the very best birthday today. And I pray that you have the best year ahead and the bestest life. Amen.
I have written this short note for you.
Happy Birthday (From Faiza to Y...u)
On this beautiful day,
Which happens to be Ur birthday,
I wish you life and health
Along with success and wealth
I wish you every moment filled with love,
You will be showered with happiness from above,
I wish you a heart filled with peace,
May you meet Ur life full of bliss,
May you find the One for you,
Who would give her world to you,
Tho’ I know you wish me gone,
For me you’d always be the one,
Today I hear my every heartbeat say,
‘Janu’ wish you a happy birthday!”
TRUE LOVE!
True love doesn't grow with the number of lovers, it wanes all the more!